joyeux anniversaire, moi-même

it is past an hour after i was officially 25. was or am? idk. 

so, happy birthday, girl. frankly, i don't feel very happy, neither anxious about this year's birthday. i'm 25 yet i have achieved nothing. really? nothing? no, i mean.. though i graduated over 2 years ago, till now, my life still cant be considered as stable enough. 

people at my age usually have at least RM1000 in their saving account. Me? nothing at all. indeed, my mom still gives me money by the end of the month and sometimes even paid for my utility bills. i did feel shame and i still do. but nothing i can do i guess. it's a matter of how architecture treat us. again, blame the architectural world. *sigh.

and by the age of 25, i ... (this is embarassing) i still don't have anyone special in my life. People at my age already married or at least; engaged. Oh come on girl. are u living for other person? stop comparing yourself with others or u will end up hurting yourself. 

reflecting back what i've done, well i supposed i'm lucky. (?) 

i am lazy.

i am demotivated easily.

i perform my solat very late for each waktu.

so i'm expecting Allah to give me rezeki like others?

Ya Allah ampunkanlah dosa aku .. 

i really tried to change my habit. but usually it didnt last longer than 3 days. 

think i need to reshuffle and recompose my life list. 

do i really want to be an architect?

if yes, when is the best time to further for Part 2?

and what can i do in the mean time to complete myself with all the knowledge needed during the Part 2?

Ya Allah. bimbinglah aku ke jalan kejayaan.

aku benar-benar mahu berjaya agar aku dapat balas semua jasa ibu bapa & adik-beradik aku sementara sempat. dan yang penting, Engkau berikanlah rezeki yang banyak untuk aku agar aku dapat melaksanakan impian aku yang satu lagi itu ya Allah.

happy birthday, girl.