Staying in the loop

 Hello, I'm back again at the age of 34 now. 

Life has been great, it's just that I'm on my pay-cut now as a result of the pandemic caused by Covid-19. So... I'm still adjusting with the new limited salary but always thankful for still having a job. 

Anyway, I'm still single. Still finding ways to get to know new people. Still figuring out how to find or start a relationship buuuuuuuuut - my long time crush is now texting me almost everyday! Ha, didn't see that coming!

After my confession to him thru FB messenger in 2010 (?) or something; which he politely rejected it by saying "oh, I really enjoy being your friend, you always make me laugh etc etc but I am currently just started seeing someone yada yada" (Still can't revisit those messages as the humiliation is still as thick as my S)

So yes, after that confession, life went on as usual. We met once at one of our friend's wedding & I acted cool as usual. We didn't text or anything after that, just random likes on each other's FB posts sometimes. But I gotta admit, I think my feeling towards him never fades..

So fast forward to end of 2018, I thought, enough is enough. I don't want to like him anymore. I wanted to clear this feeling so I could actually have the space in my heart - for someone else!

So in 2019, I started to like this one guy. Made prayers to Allah about him every single day. I was so happy with my heart situation at that time. Like, hello, you finally like somebody else? CONGRATS! But there was little teeny tiny moment that it flashes in my mind - "kan best kalau dua orang ni duduk depan mata aku, side by side, tengok betul ke tak aku dah tak suka kat dia tu & betul ke aku memang suka dia ni pulak?" That kind of 'terdetik'. 

And fast forward to middle of 2019, it happened! Them, both, sitting next to each other, in front of me, sipping coffees & chit-chatting! MashaAllah, I didn't expect it to happened as accurate as that. 

And from that day onward, my feeling towards the new guy was totally gone. Nada. And as expected, it bounced back to the old fling. He started to respond to my IG stories more and stop. Interact then stop. Still main tarik tali but with a slight increment on the frequency. 

After a year of that coffee session, he re-post our meet up photos with "A year ago..." MIND YOU - HE IS NOT THE PERSON WHO LIKES TO REPOST MEMORY! Holly! Aku nok koya buleh ko?

And I started to realize that afterward, he started to respond to all my IG stories and we be texting like until 1 am. 

I donno man, I donno.. I don't want to put hopes and reliving those situation again. Can you just be straight forward & tell me if you like me back? I mean, I did it last 10 years ago, so by right, this time, it's your turn. Lorddddd