We're on not-chatting terms again. Second time since we started texting in Nov 2020.
The first time this happened, I was miserable. It was the very first time that I had ever felt that way to someone. I finally understand it now - of how painful it is to miss someone but unable to tell them or reach out to them just because of your ego. Was it an ego..? I just didn't want to be looked at as desperate. Maybe this is the game that people have been talking about?
Anyway, since it was always him who texted me first every day, I finally texted him first for this time and playing it cool. We then continued texting every day again.
And today is the 6th day we're not hearing from each other. It is bearable this time. I took some time to rethink this situation tho.
We started 'communicating' with each other without any expectation, just for the sake of having receiving fun texts from one another. At least that's what I thought. Somehow, along the way, he kept flirting here & there and I kept telling him off and to keep our chat clean & clear from heart matters.
Buuuuuut!
Whenever we're on paused, like now, I always feel like I want more. However, if I really want more, I need to make sure that he ticked off most of my checklist first. I mean, yes he's funny, he's a chaser but does he really fit the husband's materials? The father figure? Is he a good Muslim?
And here's the thing - I couldn't find out! He was not being serious whenever I threw in the 'get-to-know' questions to him; unlike the earlier days when I just shoot it straight & he'll be answering all of them. And I didn't find his social media to 'research' as well hahah you know la ha, things that woman does. And this drives me crazy!
I wanted to start to like him but I had to hold back because all my doubts have yet to be cleared. I need assurance on few things that I think matter. For example, what are the causes of his divorce? How many times did he contact his ex-wife on a daily/ weekly basis since his kids are with her? How does he feel about getting back to his ex-wife? What are the chances? What are his expectations towards me after getting to know each other these few months in? What are his finances like? How is his family? What is his view on husband-wife roles? There are just too many questions that I need answers and I have yet to obtain them. And for that, I can't let my guard down yet kan?
So last night, I cracked my head trying this & that and I finally found his Facebook & Instagram! The IG is private tho but the FB on the other hand is quite public.
From his FB, I knew for a fact that his ex-wife is a free-hair, and I assume they met when working. She was an O&G engineer and she's cute. As of Dec 2019, they are still a loving husband & wife. Not sure when did they divorced tho.
But!
Something that made me feel uneased was the fact that there was a photo of them holding hands at the beach and the comments from his friends concluded that it was a pre-wed photo -- God, how lame can you beeeeeeeeee haihh no wonder your justification kinda weak when we talked about the smoking/sexy spouse. Hahaha do I want to keep the story here? Oh yes let me!
Ok on the earlier days, I asked him:
"Apa deciding factor yang menentukan awak dah taknak teruskan hubungan dengan seseorang?"
He said something like 'repeteadly doing things that I despise, despite dah tegur' to which he said he really can't tolerate revealing clothing. So I said,
"You were fully aware that she is sexy & stuff during your dating days, but you were expecting her to change after you said so..? This is like the typical girl getting frustrated when their smoker boyfriend didn't stop smoking after they get married. It is your expectation that didn't meet. And eventually, you get frustrated."
Right?
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